Nef’s POV
I’ve never felt something so painful in my life. I don’t mean physical pain. I could feel by body spasm. I could feel the blood dripping down my leg, staining my jeans. There were cramps. It felt like my body was squeezing itself. That didn’t hurt. What hurt was I could feel myself losing the baby. The nurse and the doctors told me there was nothing they could do. They couldn’t stop it.
When I first found out that I was pregnant I though the world was coming to an end. I was in no way prepared for this. It wasn’t planned and I wasn’t at a point in my life where I could be a mother. Over the last several weeks that had all changed. Sasha and I worked together to plan out what would happen and what we would do. In a sense we were forced to grow up and make changes so that we could welcome this baby into this world. I hadn't been ready but I needed to get ready and so I did. I want this baby. I love this baby even though we’d never met.
You know that feeling of having something ripped away from you after holding on so tightly? That’s what this felt like. It was unlike anything I’d ever felt before. After while, everything went numb. I couldn’t feel anything.
My mom and dad were there. Sasha must have called them. I heard when the doctor told Sasha that we’d lost the baby. I heard him scream and I heard him cry. I was lying on my side when he came in the room. He put his hand on my shoulder and I pulled away from him violently.
“Leave,” I said.
“Nef, please.” His voice was thick with what I could only guess was grief.
“Leave!” I shouted.
My dad ushered him out of the room, telling him to go home. I felt my mom crawl into the bed with me and wrap her arms around me. I asked her why but she couldn’t tell me. I asked her how he could do this to me but she couldn’t tell me that either. I stay overnight in the hospital and my mother never left my side. When she took me home she placed me in her bed and held me while I cried.
Sasha’s POV
Im knocked on the door. He’d come to pick up Nef’s car. It was still at my house. I wasn’t there so my parents told him I was at Ovi’s. We’d lost the baby and she’d told me to leave the hospital. I waited at the hospital until well into the night. Her father, Adjo, had been sitting outside with me. I told him everything, from Nadiya showing up, to our argument, to me rushing her to the hospital. He was there with me when the doctor’s told me that they couldn’t help. He was there with me when I collapsed on the floor. He was there with me when I tried to talk Nef.
“She’s hurting right now. Give her time. Her mother and I will take care of her.”
I sat by the phone hoping for a call that never came.
“I’m here to get her car. Mom and dad took her home from the hospital. She’s not doing so well,” Im told me.
I wanted to follow him. I wanted to go to her but he said that she needed time. She needed space. Days went by. I left her message after message begging her to call me, begging her to let me know that she was okay. Almost a week went by and I still hadn’t heard anything from her.
I drove to her apartment where I talked to Jesse.
“She hasn’t been here. We haven’t talked to her in almost a week. Her mom came and told us what happened with the baby and that Nef needed time to get better.”
I drove to Baltimore. It was late when I got there but I didn’t care. I pounded on the door until someone came to answer the door.
“I need to see her,” I said to Adjo
“She’s not here.”
“I go to her apartment. Jesse say she not there for almost a week. She here and I want to see her. I need to see her.”
He pulled me inside and I ran upstairs to her room. The bed was made and it looked like no one had been there for a least a few days.
“Her mother took her. They left a few days ago.”
“Where did they go?”
“Egypt.”
I’ll go there. I’ll find her and bring her back. I was desperate for her. I couldn’t lose her too.
“No,” Adjo said. “You won’t be able to find her. She’ll come back when she’s ready.”
I sat in my car. I called her phone again but there was still no answer. I left what must have been the 50th message.
“Nef, I go to your apartment but you not there. I go to your house and Adjo tell me that you left. He say you need time but I need you. I not lose you too. I can’t. Please Nef. Please come back. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Chapter 72 – Fall
AN: Warning! The next few chapters are going to be tough. I cried when I wrote this so please proceed with caution.
Nef’s POV
I went to the Caps-Panthers game with my father. He didn’t actually acknowledge my pregnancy even though mom had made it clear that she wanted us to clear the air. During the pre-game warm up Sasha went though his routine stopping in front of my section to say hi. He smiled at me and closed his eyes and I knew that he was thinking of his hands over mine on my stomach. I could almost feel his skin touch mine. My dad looked at us but said nothing. He nodded to Sasha which was more of an acknowledgment that either of us had hoped for. Throughout the game Sasha would glance toward us. I could tell that he wanted to know how things were going. Every time our eyes met I gave him a stern look that meant focus on the game. His attention didn’t need to be divided.
When I went to his house the following morning I expected it to be awkward. He's been injured during the game last night and we put off telling them last night. We were both nervous about telling his family. What I did not expect was what greeted me. I walked to the front door to be greeted by Nadiya.
”What’s going on here?” I asked Sasha.
”Nadiya’s staying with us for a little while,” his mother answered.
”I didn’t know she was coming here.”
I turned to walk out of the door but Sasha grabbed me and pulled me upstairs to his room.
”I didn’t know she was coming. I didn’t invite her here. I’m just as surprised as you are.” His words were rushed, like he couldn’t get them out fast enough.
I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and I turned to see Nadiya. She had a haughty expression on her face. Like she knew her presence would cause trouble.
”You’re not staying here. Take your things and leave.” Sasha almost shouted.
”Come on now Sasha, I thought we worked past this the last time we were together.”
”Nadiya, I’ll only say this one more time. Leave. Now.”
She walked up to him and I wanted nothing more that to push her away from him.
”I’m surprised you two worked it out. I thought that after that night after the bar you two would be done for good.”
”Nadiya, I really think you should go,” I said speaking to her directly for the first time.
”Unless you didn’t tell her.” Tell me what? ”You didn’t tell her, did you?”
Her eyes were falsely innocent. They were too wide, too bright.
”His mom called me one night to pick him up from a bar. He’d gotten so drunk after talking to you on the phone. He said that if you thought he would cheat on you then he would. We went back to his place and -”
”Enough!” Sasha screamed. ”Get out of my house, now!”
”Sasha what is she talking about?”
”I don’t know.”
What do you mean you don’t know? She’s lying, right?
”Tell me she’s lying.”
”I don’t know.”
”What do you mean you don’t know?” How could you not know if you slept with someone or not? I back away from Sasha. He slept with her? After he swore to me he didn’t?
”It was the night before we talked to Jesse on the phone. I was so drunk I don’t remember much of that night. I just remember Nadiya taking me home from the bar. Nef I swear to you I -” He reach toward me to stop me from backing away from him.
”Don’t touch me.”
I had to get out of here. No, this couldn’t be happening. I remember running to the stairs. I remember Sasha trying to follow me but Nadiya getting to me first. I remember her smiling before she reached her hand up to slap me. She hit me hard across the face, hard enough that I fell backward. I threw my hands back to catch myself but nothing was there. I was at the top of the steps and there was nothing there to brace myself against.
I remember hearing Sasha scream before I hit my head on something. After that it was just black.
Sasha’s POV
No this can’t be happening. I don’t remember sleeping with Nadiya. I don’t remember most of that night. I should have told her the truth. I should have been honest. None of that matters right now. I ran to stop Nef from leaving but Nadiya got to her first. I took a hit to the thigh in the game last night and I couldn't move very fast. All I saw was Nef falling backward down the stairs. Oh my God. Please no. I couldn’t reach her before she fell. I saw her lying at the foot of the stairs. She wasn’t moving.
”Nef!” I shouted running down the stairs, ignoring the pain that it caused. She flinched and tried to turn. I held her still. She had hit her head on the floor hard.
”Stay still, please stay still.” I begged.
I shouted to my father to call for an ambulance. He handed me the phone when the dispatcher came on the line.
“Please hurry, she fall down the steps. The baby.” I heard both my parents gasp.
Nef turned on her side and clutched her hands to her stomach. I could see blood beginning to seep through her jeans.
“No,” she screamed. “Oh God, no.”
I didn’t think. I picked her up and put her into my car. The hospital, I need to get her to the hospital. I don’t remember stopping at red lights. I don’t know how fast I was going. I just remember pulling up to the ER at the hospital, shouting for a nurse and telling her that Nef was pregnant and that she’d fallen down the steps.
Please God, let them be okay.
Nef’s POV
I went to the Caps-Panthers game with my father. He didn’t actually acknowledge my pregnancy even though mom had made it clear that she wanted us to clear the air. During the pre-game warm up Sasha went though his routine stopping in front of my section to say hi. He smiled at me and closed his eyes and I knew that he was thinking of his hands over mine on my stomach. I could almost feel his skin touch mine. My dad looked at us but said nothing. He nodded to Sasha which was more of an acknowledgment that either of us had hoped for. Throughout the game Sasha would glance toward us. I could tell that he wanted to know how things were going. Every time our eyes met I gave him a stern look that meant focus on the game. His attention didn’t need to be divided.
When I went to his house the following morning I expected it to be awkward. He's been injured during the game last night and we put off telling them last night. We were both nervous about telling his family. What I did not expect was what greeted me. I walked to the front door to be greeted by Nadiya.
”What’s going on here?” I asked Sasha.
”Nadiya’s staying with us for a little while,” his mother answered.
”I didn’t know she was coming here.”
I turned to walk out of the door but Sasha grabbed me and pulled me upstairs to his room.
”I didn’t know she was coming. I didn’t invite her here. I’m just as surprised as you are.” His words were rushed, like he couldn’t get them out fast enough.
I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and I turned to see Nadiya. She had a haughty expression on her face. Like she knew her presence would cause trouble.
”You’re not staying here. Take your things and leave.” Sasha almost shouted.
”Come on now Sasha, I thought we worked past this the last time we were together.”
”Nadiya, I’ll only say this one more time. Leave. Now.”
She walked up to him and I wanted nothing more that to push her away from him.
”I’m surprised you two worked it out. I thought that after that night after the bar you two would be done for good.”
”Nadiya, I really think you should go,” I said speaking to her directly for the first time.
”Unless you didn’t tell her.” Tell me what? ”You didn’t tell her, did you?”
Her eyes were falsely innocent. They were too wide, too bright.
”His mom called me one night to pick him up from a bar. He’d gotten so drunk after talking to you on the phone. He said that if you thought he would cheat on you then he would. We went back to his place and -”
”Enough!” Sasha screamed. ”Get out of my house, now!”
”Sasha what is she talking about?”
”I don’t know.”
What do you mean you don’t know? She’s lying, right?
”Tell me she’s lying.”
”I don’t know.”
”What do you mean you don’t know?” How could you not know if you slept with someone or not? I back away from Sasha. He slept with her? After he swore to me he didn’t?
”It was the night before we talked to Jesse on the phone. I was so drunk I don’t remember much of that night. I just remember Nadiya taking me home from the bar. Nef I swear to you I -” He reach toward me to stop me from backing away from him.
”Don’t touch me.”
I had to get out of here. No, this couldn’t be happening. I remember running to the stairs. I remember Sasha trying to follow me but Nadiya getting to me first. I remember her smiling before she reached her hand up to slap me. She hit me hard across the face, hard enough that I fell backward. I threw my hands back to catch myself but nothing was there. I was at the top of the steps and there was nothing there to brace myself against.
I remember hearing Sasha scream before I hit my head on something. After that it was just black.
Sasha’s POV
No this can’t be happening. I don’t remember sleeping with Nadiya. I don’t remember most of that night. I should have told her the truth. I should have been honest. None of that matters right now. I ran to stop Nef from leaving but Nadiya got to her first. I took a hit to the thigh in the game last night and I couldn't move very fast. All I saw was Nef falling backward down the stairs. Oh my God. Please no. I couldn’t reach her before she fell. I saw her lying at the foot of the stairs. She wasn’t moving.
”Nef!” I shouted running down the stairs, ignoring the pain that it caused. She flinched and tried to turn. I held her still. She had hit her head on the floor hard.
”Stay still, please stay still.” I begged.
I shouted to my father to call for an ambulance. He handed me the phone when the dispatcher came on the line.
“Please hurry, she fall down the steps. The baby.” I heard both my parents gasp.
Nef turned on her side and clutched her hands to her stomach. I could see blood beginning to seep through her jeans.
“No,” she screamed. “Oh God, no.”
I didn’t think. I picked her up and put her into my car. The hospital, I need to get her to the hospital. I don’t remember stopping at red lights. I don’t know how fast I was going. I just remember pulling up to the ER at the hospital, shouting for a nurse and telling her that Nef was pregnant and that she’d fallen down the steps.
Please God, let them be okay.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Chapter 71 – Winter
AN: Sorry it too so long to get this up. :( I was super sick after New Year's and I'm just starting to get better...I've figured out where I want this to go! :) I think it's going to be pretty good so get ready and hold on!
Sasha’s POV
The Winter Classic was an amazing experience. Nef and I went up the day before the team and two days before my parents, my sister Lana, and my niece Veronika arrive in Pittsburgh. The entire weekend had been filled with team and family events.
After practice the day before the Classic there had been a family skate and watch Nef chase Veronika around the ice had put a smile on my face. She just seemed to happy and carefree. She was going to be a wonderful mother to our child.
When Nef and I arrived back at my house whern we got back from Pittsburgh she ran upstairs to my room.
”Is something wrong?” my dad asked. Usually Nef would linger around for a little while to chat with him.
”No, her final grades should have been released and she’s anxious to see what they are.”
As soon as I finished speaking we heard a loud and excited “Yes!” from upstairs. Nef came running down the steps straight into my arms.
”I got a 4.0!” I picked her up and spun her around.
”I’m proud of you.”
I was worried that the stress of the last few weeks would affect her grades. I was worried that she would have trouble focusing on school and exams. There were times when I was struggling to focus on hockey. I hadn't scored a goal since November.
When I put her down she jumped on the phone to call her mother. Nef had always done well in school; good grades were expected but Nef had never had to deal with major stresses in addition to her school work. When she came back to me we curled up together on the couch and talked to my dad for a while. He wanted to catch up on all the things that we’d been up to since the last time we chatted, school stuff with Nef, hockey and agent stuff with me.
”How was your holiday?” my dad asked.
”It was good.” Nef and I had managed to steal quite a lot of alone time together while in Pittsburgh. It was nice to have time together away from the stress of home. I actually got to kiss Nef at midnight. As silly as it may seem it was important to us. We were each other’s last kiss of the year and first kiss of the New Year.
Since the Caps Season ticket holders were able to buy tickets to the Winter Classic Nef had given her tickets to Jackie and Jesse. I upgraded them to the suite that Nef would be in so that she could have her friends with her while I was playing. My family was there but I wanted her to have her friends too.
”Do you really want to marry me or are you just offering because I’m pregnant?” she asked me over breakfast in our hotel room the morning after the Winter Classic.
”Nef, I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it. I want to marry you eventually. I’ve thought about it before. I was thinking about asking you to move in with me after graduation.” She already spends so much time at my place anyway. If I’m home then she is at my house. If I’m on the road then she stays at her apartment. For her Christmas I’d given her a key to my house. Her father hadn’t been pleased with that but Nef had been ecstatic.
”Really?”
”Yes. I love you and I wanted to take our relationship to the next level.”
We are taking our relationship to the next level, albeit out of order but we’re getting there. We agreed that we would tell my parents after my Christmas. Nef’s parents would be coming over to meet my parents after Christmas so we would have a period of time to tell them. Both my parents could speak English conversationally, and Nef’s mom had been studying Russian for the past year. She could get by. Nef and I would act as translators and we were hoping that this went well.
My Christmas Eve and Christmas had been uneventful. We exchanged presents and spent time together as a family. It was a lot better than last year when Nef first met my parents. We ended the night with Nef and I cuddled together on the floor and my parents on the couch watching a movie. This was how things were supposed to be. There was no awkwardness, no tension, just peacefulness. When Nef left to go back to her apartment I could barely stand to let her go. We were playing the panthers the following day. Nef was attending with her father. Her mom had insisted that they try and work things out.
I have a pregame warm up routine that I go through. It’s different for home and away games. When I’m at Verizon Center I skate out immediately doing two sprints from the goal line to the blue line and back. Then I stretch, hamstrings, quads, and my back. After the back injury I had 2 seasons ago I stretch my back and spine as much as possible. After stretching I skate over to Nef’s section. What I do there is different from game to game but I always find away to say hi. Sometimes I shot pucks at the glass, sometimes I wink at her, and sometimes we just make eye contact and smile. In the past few weeks she’s been smiling at me and placing her hands on her stomach. I close my eyes and smile at her, imagining my hands on top of hers.
After the game Nef went home with her father, she didn’t tell me anything about what they were talking about. As far as I knew they hadn’t discussed it at all. I looked at them in the stands and they were cheering when they were supposed to. Could they just be enjoying the game together? I didn’t want Nef to be upset in anyway. It wasn’t good for her and it wasn’t good for the baby. After the game I went home to go to bed. I knew that Nef would be over the next day so that we could tell my parents about the baby. The day after Nef’s parents would come to meet my parents.
When I woke up the next morning I was nervous. It had been restless for most of the night. I just wanted to get this over with, deal with the fall out, and move on. When I went to the kitchen my dad was there eating breakfast but my mother was nowhere to be found. That was odd. My parents always have breakfast together.
”Where’s mom?” I asked sitting at the island counter to have breakfast.
”She left early this morning. She said she had errands to do.”
I assumed she was out grocery shopping for dinner with Nef’s parents. I was wrong. I was very wrong. When my mother came home she was not alone. She had Nadiya with her. She’s just gotten back from picking her up at the airport.
”What’s going on?” I asked my mom.
”Nadiya’s going to be staying with us for a little while. She wanted to see D.C and look at schools so I said that she could stay with us.”
”No. She’s not staying here. She can’t.”
”That’s not very nice Sashaka. She’s your friend and she’s staying. She needs help.”
”No, she’s not. She’s not my friend and she’s not staying here. I don’t care where she goes but she’s not staying here.” I was agitated. We’d worked so hard to put Nadiya behind us. I wasn’t going to let her ruin anything.
”Tanya,” my dad stepped in, ”I don’t think this is such a good idea.”
Before anyone could interject I heard the lock turn on the front door. It was Nef.
Sasha’s POV
The Winter Classic was an amazing experience. Nef and I went up the day before the team and two days before my parents, my sister Lana, and my niece Veronika arrive in Pittsburgh. The entire weekend had been filled with team and family events.
After practice the day before the Classic there had been a family skate and watch Nef chase Veronika around the ice had put a smile on my face. She just seemed to happy and carefree. She was going to be a wonderful mother to our child.
When Nef and I arrived back at my house whern we got back from Pittsburgh she ran upstairs to my room.
”Is something wrong?” my dad asked. Usually Nef would linger around for a little while to chat with him.
”No, her final grades should have been released and she’s anxious to see what they are.”
As soon as I finished speaking we heard a loud and excited “Yes!” from upstairs. Nef came running down the steps straight into my arms.
”I got a 4.0!” I picked her up and spun her around.
”I’m proud of you.”
I was worried that the stress of the last few weeks would affect her grades. I was worried that she would have trouble focusing on school and exams. There were times when I was struggling to focus on hockey. I hadn't scored a goal since November.
When I put her down she jumped on the phone to call her mother. Nef had always done well in school; good grades were expected but Nef had never had to deal with major stresses in addition to her school work. When she came back to me we curled up together on the couch and talked to my dad for a while. He wanted to catch up on all the things that we’d been up to since the last time we chatted, school stuff with Nef, hockey and agent stuff with me.
”How was your holiday?” my dad asked.
”It was good.” Nef and I had managed to steal quite a lot of alone time together while in Pittsburgh. It was nice to have time together away from the stress of home. I actually got to kiss Nef at midnight. As silly as it may seem it was important to us. We were each other’s last kiss of the year and first kiss of the New Year.
Since the Caps Season ticket holders were able to buy tickets to the Winter Classic Nef had given her tickets to Jackie and Jesse. I upgraded them to the suite that Nef would be in so that she could have her friends with her while I was playing. My family was there but I wanted her to have her friends too.
”Do you really want to marry me or are you just offering because I’m pregnant?” she asked me over breakfast in our hotel room the morning after the Winter Classic.
”Nef, I wouldn’t have said it if I didn’t mean it. I want to marry you eventually. I’ve thought about it before. I was thinking about asking you to move in with me after graduation.” She already spends so much time at my place anyway. If I’m home then she is at my house. If I’m on the road then she stays at her apartment. For her Christmas I’d given her a key to my house. Her father hadn’t been pleased with that but Nef had been ecstatic.
”Really?”
”Yes. I love you and I wanted to take our relationship to the next level.”
We are taking our relationship to the next level, albeit out of order but we’re getting there. We agreed that we would tell my parents after my Christmas. Nef’s parents would be coming over to meet my parents after Christmas so we would have a period of time to tell them. Both my parents could speak English conversationally, and Nef’s mom had been studying Russian for the past year. She could get by. Nef and I would act as translators and we were hoping that this went well.
My Christmas Eve and Christmas had been uneventful. We exchanged presents and spent time together as a family. It was a lot better than last year when Nef first met my parents. We ended the night with Nef and I cuddled together on the floor and my parents on the couch watching a movie. This was how things were supposed to be. There was no awkwardness, no tension, just peacefulness. When Nef left to go back to her apartment I could barely stand to let her go. We were playing the panthers the following day. Nef was attending with her father. Her mom had insisted that they try and work things out.
I have a pregame warm up routine that I go through. It’s different for home and away games. When I’m at Verizon Center I skate out immediately doing two sprints from the goal line to the blue line and back. Then I stretch, hamstrings, quads, and my back. After the back injury I had 2 seasons ago I stretch my back and spine as much as possible. After stretching I skate over to Nef’s section. What I do there is different from game to game but I always find away to say hi. Sometimes I shot pucks at the glass, sometimes I wink at her, and sometimes we just make eye contact and smile. In the past few weeks she’s been smiling at me and placing her hands on her stomach. I close my eyes and smile at her, imagining my hands on top of hers.
After the game Nef went home with her father, she didn’t tell me anything about what they were talking about. As far as I knew they hadn’t discussed it at all. I looked at them in the stands and they were cheering when they were supposed to. Could they just be enjoying the game together? I didn’t want Nef to be upset in anyway. It wasn’t good for her and it wasn’t good for the baby. After the game I went home to go to bed. I knew that Nef would be over the next day so that we could tell my parents about the baby. The day after Nef’s parents would come to meet my parents.
When I woke up the next morning I was nervous. It had been restless for most of the night. I just wanted to get this over with, deal with the fall out, and move on. When I went to the kitchen my dad was there eating breakfast but my mother was nowhere to be found. That was odd. My parents always have breakfast together.
”Where’s mom?” I asked sitting at the island counter to have breakfast.
”She left early this morning. She said she had errands to do.”
I assumed she was out grocery shopping for dinner with Nef’s parents. I was wrong. I was very wrong. When my mother came home she was not alone. She had Nadiya with her. She’s just gotten back from picking her up at the airport.
”What’s going on?” I asked my mom.
”Nadiya’s going to be staying with us for a little while. She wanted to see D.C and look at schools so I said that she could stay with us.”
”No. She’s not staying here. She can’t.”
”That’s not very nice Sashaka. She’s your friend and she’s staying. She needs help.”
”No, she’s not. She’s not my friend and she’s not staying here. I don’t care where she goes but she’s not staying here.” I was agitated. We’d worked so hard to put Nadiya behind us. I wasn’t going to let her ruin anything.
”Tanya,” my dad stepped in, ”I don’t think this is such a good idea.”
Before anyone could interject I heard the lock turn on the front door. It was Nef.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
