Chapter 78 – The way we were

AN: In honor of the Cardiac Caps (as I like to call them when they play games like they did tonight!)and Sasha with the shoot-out winning goal, here's the next chapter!


Nef’s POV


While Sasha was in Atlanta I bought books for the semester but also made a last minute appointment to see my doctor. I hadn’t gone for a follow up appointment after I was discharged from the hospital and I wanted to choose another birth control pill. I didn’t want to risk going through this again until I was ready. My doctor gave me a clean bill of health, a new pill, and the suggestion to not have sex for another couple of weeks.

I also took time to talk to my dad. My mom had been with me in Egypt and she had been right beside me as I got better but my father for the most part had been in the dark. I knew that he wasn’t happy about the situation but he would never want something this terrible to happen to me. He told me of how Sasha reacted when he found out I was gone. He told me of how he thought of me and hoped that I would be strong enough to get through this.

“We sheltered you so much as a child that I wasn’t sure if you’d be able to handle this. I was afraid that you and Alex wouldn’t work out and you’d be left to raise a child alone. Your mother and I would never leave you but raising a child as a single parent is a hardship that I don’t want for you or any of my children. I’m sorry you had to go through this but you’ve shown me that you’re stronger than I give you credit for.”

During the two days that Sasha was gone I had time to think about us. I thought about how we were supposed to get back to where we were. How we were supposed to move on from this. I don’t think that either one of us would ever get over losing a child. I don’t think a parent can, no matter how far along they were or how long the child had been here. It sucks on every level imaginable. This experience had given me insight into the knowledge that I wanted to have children with Sasha. I wanted to marry him and grow old with him.

Every time he crawled in bed beside me, every time he pulled me into his arms, every time he kissed me I knew this was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. When he came home from Atlanta it was late. He crawled into the bed beside me but instead of lying down he placed a box on my forehead.

“What are you doing?” I asked, half asleep. It was nearly 3 am and I had my first day of classes the next day.

“Is present for you.”

I sat up with the box falling to my lap. He opened it for me. It was a necklace with two pendants. Turning on the bedside lamp I saw that he had given me a pendant of Saint Jude and the second one I didn’t know.

”It’s Matrona Dmitrievna Nikonova, the Blessed Elder.”

On the back of each pendant was an inscription. The first read: The Blessed Matrona said: “Everyone, everyone who will come to me: tell me, as if I were alive, of your sorrows, and I will see you, and hear you, and help you.” The second one read: “Saint Jude, Hope of the Hopeless, Pray for me”

It was perfect.

”I know there is still along way to go for us to get back to the way we were but I love you and I’m willing to do whatever it takes for us to get there .”

He fastened the necklace around my neck before turning off the bedside lamp and snuggling in beside me. I woke up to kisses on my face the next morning. When my eyes fluttered open the kisses moved to my neck. It’s not an unpleasant way to wake up. In fact, it was a really good way to wake up.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing.”

The kisses moved down to my stomach and it wasn’t long before he pushed my shirt up. Glancing at the bedside clock there were still a few hours before he had to go to practice and I had to go to class. When his hand slipped into my shorts I had to push him away. He looked hurt but he said nothing.

“It’s not that I don’t want to but the doctor told me not to for another couple of weeks and I just started a new pill.”

“You go to doctor while I was gone?”

“Yes, a follow up from the hospital.”




Sasha’s POV


It hurt when Nef pushed me away. I wanted her. I wanted to show her how much I loved her and how much I’d missed her. I knew that it would be nearly impossible for us to jump right back into our relationship the way it was before but I hadn’t considered her not wanting to be intimate with me.

“It’s not that I don’t want to but the doctor told me not to for another couple of weeks and I just started a new pill.”

“You go to doctor while I was gone?”

“Yes, a follow up from the hospital.”

I hadn’t given a thought to the possibility that she wasn’t physically able to have sex. She told me about her doctor’s appointment. Everything had checked out but her doctor wanted to see how she reacted to this new pill. It was good to know that she’d suffered no ill physical effects from this.

I lay down on top of her with her legs wrapped around my waist. Her hands went to my hair and she played with the loose strains.

“You need a haircut. You’re starting to look like Bon Jovi.”

I couldn't help but laugh, I’d heard that before. We lingered in bed for a while before we had to get up. Practice was always later the morning after a game.

“You want to go out for dinner?” I asked her as we walked to our cars.

“Yes, can we go to the Source?”

That was the place we’d gone to the night we confessed our feelings for each other.

“Yes. I pick you up at 7.”

Instead of going straight to practice I went to Ovi’s house before going home. I hadn’t been to my house in almost three weeks. It was harder than it should have been going into the door that led from the garage to the kitchen. My parents were there, sitting in the kitchen having breakfast. It’s their routine.

”Good morning,” I said as I drug my laundry into the laundry room. I hung my suits on the rack for the clothes meant for dry cleaning.

”Good morning, Sashka.” my parents greeted me.

There’s no real way to start an awkward conversation. My parents and I kind of sat at the table for a few minutes staring at each other. I honestly had no idea of how to start this conversation. There were things that needed to be said. I should have been angry or mad or sad or whatever but I wasn’t. I was still just mostly thankful that Nef and I were back together. We’d decided that she would go back on the pill, that we would always use condoms, that she would move in with me after graduation, and that we would try to have a child when we were ready. I had already decided that I ask her to marry me one day and she’d finally come to grips with the fact that she loved me and would marry me one day. I wasn’t giving her any other option.

”Nef is back and we’ve worked through some things,” I said mostly speaking to my mother as my father was there when Nef came back to the States. ”We’ve decided that we’re staying together whether or not I’m traded or I sign somewhere else. I don’t know how much she’ll want to be around here. She told me this place doesn’t feel safe to her anymore. We’re not going to try for another baby until we’re ready.”

”Sashka I -” my mother began. ”I’m sorry. I had no idea that she was pregnant. I didn’t know that Nadiya would –“

”Mom, you knew Nef and I’s feelings toward Nadiya. You should have never brought her here without talking to me. At every turn you do something to jeopardize my relationship with Nefertiti, pushing Nadiya on me, going against my decisions when I’ve made them so painfully clear. I can’t trust you anymore. ”

”I – ”

”No, I don’t want to hear it. There’s nothing you can say to make this better. I lost my child and nearly lost the woman I love. I’m sorries can’t make this better.”

I wasn’t angry. At least I hadn’t been when I came home. I really just wanted my mom to stay out of my relationship. I guess it’s my fault though. My parents have always been so intertwined in my life, both personal and professional. It was hard for my mother to take a less active role in managing me.

I had to leave. I didn’t want to be late for practice. Being late meant being punished and I really didn’t want to have to skate sprints after practice. I knew that I would have to finish this conversation when I came home but for now it was enough to let them know where we stood.





AN: Part 2 - Sorry for the lack of updates. I have chapters written I swear!! I wrapped up a graduate class and started a new job (all within a few weeks....poor planning on my part) so I haven't had much time for editing. Hopefully things are settling down and I'll be able to update with more frequency.