Chapter 52 – Media Opps

AN: If you watch family guy then you get the quote below. I thought it was super funny!


Brian: Hola, me llamo es Brian ... Nosotros queremos ir con ustedes… uhhhh ...
Bellboy (Spanish): Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said "me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es," just me llamo Brian.
Brian: Oh, oh you speak English!
Bellboy (sigh): No, just that first speech and this one explaining it.
Brian: You .... you're kidding me, right?
Bellboy (Spanish): Que?


And now onto the chapter….


Sasha’s POV


I arrived back in the States about three days ago. I had gotten back a little early to spend time with Nef, clean my house and prepare for the season. Today was media day and most of the team had arrived back in DC. We’d done some light training this morning, mostly meeting with coaches, trainers, and doctors. During the afternoon we had photo shoots and interviews with local and foreign media. I always hated these days. I hate talking to reporters and I only spoke with them when asked to by Caps management. Last year I had done a sit down interview with Russ Thaler from CSN Washington but I didn’t have to speak English. When I did a skate with local kids last season I had to say a few sentences in English. Now they had been pushing for me to do an interview solely in English.

While the other guys were finishing up their interviews I was skating around on the ice with Ovie. He was the first to start his interviews and as a result was the first to finish. We had been skating around for a few minutes when other guys started to filter out. Several of them joined us on the ice for some stick handling.

“Hey Sash, how’s Nef doing? Are you two still together?” Brooks asked me.

“Da, we still together. She’s doing good. She want see you guys soon. She tell me she miss you.”

“Of course she misses me—“

“You speak English well,” I heard someone say. The voice wasn’t from anyone on the team and it wasn’t a trainer or a coach. I turned around and I saw Katie Carrera, the new Washington Post reporter, standing by the bench. Shit. There was no way I could get to the locker room without passing her.

Brooks and Ovie each grabbed one of my arms and skated me over to Katie.

“He say he do interview with you,” Ovie said. Neither he nor Brooks let go of my arms as I struggled to get away. Dmitry and another Russian report had come over. I am so screwed.

“Govorite li vy angliyski po?” Katie was asking me if I spoke English. I guess she had phonetically learned a few sentences in Russian. Shit! How the hell am I going to get out of this one?

“Hey, that pretty good. But you just switched “po” and “angliyski.” It “Govorite li vy po angliyski?” not “Govorite li vy angliyski po?” but other than that it was good,” I said smirking.

“You do speak English!”

“No…not really, just that last part and this part explaining that I don’t speak English.”

“You don’t…you’re joking with me, right?” she asked.

“Nyet, ya ne panimayu tebia,” I said with mock confusion on my face. I elbowed Ovie to get him off me and snatched my arm away from Brooks. I dashed toward the locker room leaving a mass of laughing people behind me.

I took of my skates and hopped in to the shower before anyone could enter the locker room. When I came out to dress most of the team was back and they were all laughing at me.

“You’re such an idiot!” Mike said. “I can’t believe you did that!”

“It was pretty funny,” Nick chimed in.

Later that night I was at home with Nef watching TV. She was on the phone talking to Ovie and I guessed that he was explaining what had happened earlier today with the way she was laughing.

“Turn it to CSN,” she told me through her giggles.

I turn the channel and I was greeted with video of what had transpired earlier today. Damn it! I hadn’t even noticed the camera there. It was an airing of CSN SportsNite with Katie reporting on training camp. They had caught everything. From Brooks and I skating around (thank God they didn’t actual catch what we were saying) to Ovie and Brooks dragging me over to her to the joke I pulled on him. This is going to bite me in the ass big time.

“I can’t believe you did that? What were you thinking?” Nef asked me.

“I not know the camera was there!” I said indignantly. “I saw it on Family Guy once before.”

Nef remember the episode and she laughed even harder. The show cut to a clip of Katie interviewing Bruce and he couldn’t keep a straight face.

“The jig is up!” Bruce said. “He’s got a great sense of humor, no matter what the language.”

“This really shows that he’s been working on the language and hopefully we’ll be able to get a few more interviews out of him,” she said as they were ending the segment.

I got a text from Mike that said GMGM (General Manager George McPhee – it was what we called him) just called and he said that you now have to do post game interviews in English the same way Ovie does.

I texted back saying Go to Hell!!Why me? What did I ever do to deserve this?

”Stop laughing at me!” I said to Nef. ”This is serious.”

“Ohhh Honey,” she cooed, touching her hand to my cheek. “They were bound to find out sooner or later. Did you really think you could keep going with this? I mean you’ve been in DC for what 6 seasons now?”

”That’s not what you’re supposed to say. You’re supposed to comfort me and tell me that it’s going to be okay.”

“It will be okay. You’ll just have to give interviews in English.”

That’s not what I wanted! The next day at training camp I tried to avoid the media. I was the first person on the ice and the last one to leave it. I took a 45 minute shower just so that when I finished there would be no one around. All day the guys had been laughing at me, including Bruce, Ted, and GMGM. When it came time to go back into the Media room I tried to discreetly leave. I had made it out of the locker room and down the hall. I was almost out of Kettler when I heard someone shouting at me.

“Hey Sasha! Where you going?” Ovie yelled. “Come back. You have to do interviews!”

I decided to make a run for it but I ran into Mike and Nick. Apparently they had been told to block the exit in case I tried to run for it. The drug me to the media room and dropped me outside the door.

“Now you can go willingly or we can drag you the rest of the way,” Nick threatened.

What are the chances that I could push by both Nick and Mike, make it to my car, and out of here before anyone caught me? Not so good. Damn